PLANNING FOR DIVORCE IN THE NEW YEAR – NOW – PART II

4. Research Housing – Except in rare circumstances, you should not plan to move out of your home – if you do, your budget will double, at least, you will lose parenting time with your children, and you cannot control what happens to your belongings, or your children, that you left behind. However, you should start researching housing options now. Perhaps you will remain in the home but will refinance – what do you need to do so? Perhaps you will sell the home – who will you use, and will you make a profit? Perhaps you want to rent a home in your children’s school district – so get on the web and start searching for a home.

5. Start a Separate Bank Account – Separate accounts are a delicate issue. You should not tell your spouse that you are opening a separate account, but you should also not expect to keep it a secret throughout your divorce. You will be required to disclose it. But, if you open an account and start putting money in it too soon, you send a giant red flag with the letters D-I-V-O-R-C-E waving at your spouse. Clients often ask us, when should I open the account, and how much should I put in it? Generally, and subject to the facts in your marriage, you should open the account before you file and deposit about one-half to enough to pay the family bills into the account a day before or, ideally, immediately before filing. You are not setting this money aside so that you can hide it or keep it – you are setting it aside so that it is protected and available to pay marital expenses so that your spouse does not pocket it all.

6. Check Your Credit – You can run a free credit report annually online. Look for any missed or late payments, as these are often a sign that your spouse, who was supposed to be paying the bills, deposited your paycheck somewhere else. Also look for debts in your name that you were unaware of, such as credit cards that are issued jointly to husbands and wives. Keep this report with your financial records (more on that above) for your attorney. Beware, however, that you cannot run your spouse’s report without his or her express permission – it is a federal crime if you run the report without it.

7. Spend Time Parenting – If you have children, enjoy this holiday season with them doing normal things you would do if divorce were not on the horizon. Go sledding. Make dinner. Watch movies and play video games, etc. Keep track of what you do and when. This will have many benefits – first and foremost, it’s time with your children; in addition, you have a record of the everyday things you do with them, which the judge will consider when issuing a decision for child custody and parenting time if you and your spouse cannot agree. So, get in the habit of keeping a journal now. It does not have to be like your daughter’s diary, which you update everyday with pages and pages of notes. But it should include the date, place, event and people who were present. Some client even use a calendar app to type their notes.

more to come in Part III...

PLANNING FOR DIVORCE IN THE NEW YEAR – NOW – PART I

During the holidays, divorce may be lingering in the back of your mind - but, if you are like most folks, it is probably not at the top of your “to do” list.

This is not to say that filing for divorce during the holidays is a bad thing. Actually, it is sometimes a good thing, or a necessary one. For example, you may need a temporary custody order to keep your spouse from leaving to Florida with your children “to visit family,” never intending to return. Or, you may need a restraining order to keep your spouse from racking up an astronomical credit card bill for “gifts” he or she will end up keeping when you do divorce.

But these are, despite the rumors, relatively rare scenarios. Some folks will file for divorce and wait to serve, if local rules allow, until after the New Year. But most, having lived with a broken marriage for a long time anyhow, would rather wait for January, in those ripe few weeks between Near Years Day and Valentine’s Day, to file.

The hustle and bustle of the holiday season may even be a wanted diversion with family before this sometimes intense process called divorce begins.

However, even if you do want to wait for the new year to divorce, now is the time to plan. Here are the steps you should take now to make the process easier:

1. Consult a Mental Health Professional and/or Clergy – That’s right; this divorce attorney is recommending you talk to a mental health professional or clergy member, or someone else you trust, about options other than divorce. Divorce can be, and often is, a difficult process, and if reasonable alternatives exist that can make you and your wife a happily married couple again, you should consider them. This may include couples’ therapy, individual therapy, family therapy, religious education, or something as simple as planning a weekly date night. For marriages that feel irretrievably broken, hopeless, we often discover mental health issues, substance abuse issues, or both, are the culprits. Medical treatment may be necessary, and, certainly, the support of a spouse can make recovery easier. Even if it is just to prepare mentally for the divorce process, consulting with a professional earlier is a must.

2. Gather Financial Documents – All of your bank accounts, credit card accounts, retirement accounts, investments, etc., will be valued during the divorce process. Depending on when you acquired them and what you did with them, they may remain yours. But, even if they do, you must still identify them. So start now. These records have a funny way of “disappearing” when one spouse files for divorce, so extra copies are a good idea. Copy, at a minimum: your last five years’ tax returns; your last year’s worth of bank and credit card accounts, investment statements, retirement statements, and so forth. If you can save these to a flash drive for your attorney to download, all the better.

3. Make Your Budget – Whether you have children to support or just yourself, you should plan for emergency and extra expenses now. These include filing fees, attorney fees, housing expenses (more on that next), health insurance you may have to purchase, etc. Build in an emergency fund, if possible, for vehicle repairs, last-minute health expenses, and so forth, but do not make it too large – the larger the reserve, the more you have available to pay as alimony. You, and your attorney, will want to know how much you have to work with so that you select the most appropriate long-term option.

more to follow...