TIPS FOR TRAVELING DURING PARENTING TIME

 

Imagine this: You have your suitcases packed and your kids waiting in your care. At long last, it’s time for your vacation. You’ve planned and saved for months, and things seem to be going your way. It’s been a long winter, a bad year with your divorce, and it’s finally time to relax. That is, until you get a call from your ex, or, worse, an attorney or the police, claiming that you cannot go anywhere with those kids. What are you to do?

 

Well, if you are like most newly divorced, this scenario is a legitimate fear, and, what’s worse, for all too many of you a stark reality.  Like it or not, when you are divorced, your divorce decree governs not only when you see your kids, but where you go, and whether you can travel at all, when they are with you. 


This does not mean, however, that each of you has a be-all/end-all veto over the other’s travel plans. If that were the case, ex-spouses would use it out of spite with no recourse from the court.

 

It does mean, however, that if you do not take certain necessary steps now, you could very well find yourself unable to travel when and where you want- even during your own parenting time. Here are your necessary minimum steps:

 

Court Order – The best way to preserve your travel plans is to put them directly into your order. Be specific with dates, locations, whether third parties can attend (friends, family, significant others, and so forth), when and how you can each contact the kids (text, phone, Skype), emergency contacts, hotel locations, and whose plans “trump” if you each select the same days for vacations. Also be specific that providing this information does not authorize your ex, and vice versa, to stalk or otherwise interfere with your trip, such as “happening” to be on the same flight for her own trip once she has the date and time of your flight. Rather, the reason you are providing these details to each other is to allow both of you to be reasonably informed of where your kids will be at all times.

 

Negotiated Plans – If you do not have travel plans specified in your order, do not despair – instead, negotiate them, and put them in writing, reasonably in advance of your intended trip.  Expect that whatever you request your ex will also request, such as each of you having one week’s vacation or permission to travel out of the country. If your court permits, make those plans an amendment to your order, and file them with the court so that they are enforceable just like your original order. As always, consult with an attorney in your area so that you understand just what you are getting into with an amendment, whether and how to change it (if you can) and what specific language you need to include to make it binding.

 

Passports – Do not wait for the last minute if you need passports – you may find yourself negotiating with your ex for permission or filing an emergency motion with your court if she refuses. The federal Two Parent Consent Law, Pub L No 106-113, § 236, 113 State 1501 (1999), regulates passport applications for minors. A “minor” is an unmarried person under age eighteen. 22 CFR 51.27. Minors age sixteen and older may sign their own application, or their parents or individuals in loco parentis (authority like parents, such as guardians) may apply for them. To apply for a passport for a minor under age sixteen, however, both parents must consent, in writing or the applying parent must provide documentation showing his or her sole authority to obtain the passport. This “sole authority” may be in a sole legal custody order, an order giving the parent permission to travel with the child, an order terminating parental rights, or a notarized statement that the other parent consents or is unavailable to consent. “Unavailable” does not mean merely unreachable (e.g., your ex did not answer the telephone last night) but physically unavailable (e.g., your ex fled to Vegas five years ago, you have not heard from her since and she is listed as a missing person). The Secretary of State may also issue a passport “for compelling humanitarian reasons related to the welfare of the child,” such as may occur when parent and child leave a batterer. See generally, 22 CFR 51.27 and related regulations.

 

You can avoid these last-minute plans by sating in your order who will hold the passports (maybe you alternate, or you each hold one if you have more than one kid, etc.)

 

 

Bonds – If you are afraid that your ex will flee, or your ex accuses you of being likely to do so, then consider a bond. A bond is, essentially, money the travelling parent “fronts” and puts into escrow to cover the other parent’s costs in the event that parent has to retrieve the kids, hire a lawyer to return them, track you down, etc. If fleeing is a serious concern, however, we encourage you to reconsider the prospect of traveling, as it is costly and difficult to retrieve a child once the child reaches certain countries – and, in some, impossible. By comparison, if a sum of money will comfort your ex so that you can engage in legitimate travel and enjoy your time, knowing you ill return, then you might consider it money well put up, especially when you get it back upon your return.

 

State Laws – Be cognizant, despite these options, of your state’s laws. Some states specifically preclude parents from traveling to certain countries without the other’s consent, put distance limits on travel or require unique procedures for check in / check out with your ex, or the court, or both, phone contact, providing emergency contact information, and so forth.

 

Whatever you do, do not ignore these steps while you plan for your trip. If you do, you might very well find that your dream of relaxing in the sun with your kids disappears in the icy cold stare of your ex refusing to let you go.

 

PICK YOUR PLAYING FIELD WISELY: WHERE TO FILE FOR DIVORCE

 


During the divorce process, the home field does not always have the advantage. Admittedly, if you file in your home state, you minimize your travel costs and maximize the chances that someone knows, and can give you insight, on your attorney, your wife’s attorney, your judge and your court officers. Less cost and more familiarity are obvious advantages.


But, what if your home state is the proverbial outdoor stadium in the middle of a blizzard? It could be, compared to your options. Believe it or not, you may be able to file someplace else and, by doing so, maximize your chances for a favorable outcome in your divorce. 


There are two concepts that interplay when picking a place to file for divorce. The first, most basic, is subject matter jurisdiction. Subject matter jurisdiction refers to the court’s reach (that is, jurisdiction) over the topic (that is, subject) of your case. In other words, you must file your case in a court that handles divorces. (This also explains why your wife cannot file in probate court where her friends work or small claims court where her friend got a good result in another lawsuit.)


The second, and more important for you, is personal jurisdiction. Personal jurisdiction refers to the court’s reach (again, jurisdiction) over the litigants (you and your wife). Generally, one of you must reside in the state for the court to have personal jurisdiction – but, believe it or not, not both of you.  If you and your wife reside in separate states, or, in some states, counties, where you file can make or break your case.  Given options for filing, what should you do? Ask these questions:


What is the residency requirement?

Except for a handful of states, one or both of you must reside in the state before filing. If you have recently moved or are in a hurry to get a divorce, be sure to check your state’s residency requirements. These are:


None – Alaska, South Dakota, Washington


6 weeks - Nevada


60 days – Arkansas, Colorado, Kansas, Wyoming


90 days – Arizona, Missouri, Montana, Utah


180 days or 6 months – Alabama, California, Delaware, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Indiana, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, New Mexico, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Texas, Vermont, Virginia, Wisconsin


1 year – Connecticut, Iowa, Maryland, Massachusetts, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Rhode Island, South Carolina, West Virginia

You do not have to file where your wife resides – rather, generally, it takes only one of you to reside in the state.


In many of these states, the residency requirement is mandatory, and, without it, the court also does not have subject matter jurisdiction over your case. This means,  if you or your wife have not resided in the state long enough but lie about it, the divorce is void from the outset, and you will remain married regardless of a divorce decree saying the contrary.


What is the waiting period?

After you have narrowed down your states, look to waiting periods. In many states, the court will require a period of time, typically called a waiting period, between the date you file for divorce and the date the court will grant one. This time is not devoted to waiting – rather, this is the time to work on settlement or prepare for trial, if not reconciliation. Some states have very long waiting periods (a year or more), whereas others have shorter (6 months) or none. If you are looking to complete the divorce quickly, chose the later, to reconcile, the former.


If we have children, where do they reside?

Irrespective of where you and your wife reside, if you have children, where they reside will determine where the child custody portions of your case occur. Generally, and except for very narrow exceptions for domestic violence and emergencies, the court in the state where the child has resided for at least six months or since birth, whichever is shorter, is the only court that can decide child custody issues. The idea here, under a uniform act called the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act, is to prevent parents from fleeing from one state to another in an effort to keep the child from the other parent, achieve a more favorable outcome, or both.


It is possible, although not always practical, to divide your divorce so that the property division and alimony portions occur in one state, whereas the child-related potions occur in another.  Some parents find themselves in this position out of necessity (for example, when one parent files for divorce after abandoning the family, and the other is left with the children and in need of custody and child support orders). If this is you, then you should talk with a family law attorney ASAP to weigh the costs of bifurcation against its benefits. A firm with offices nationwide, like those of us working in the Primerus network of law firms, should be able to give you valuable information about the divorce process in both states or recommend someone to you who can.


Where are our assets located?

If your immobile assets are located in one state, then, typically, that is the state that must grant your divorce. In an era of internet banking and renting, this is limited mostly to real estate, and, then, only if the spouse who does not file for divorce also chooses not to participate in the process. In other words, if you own a home with your wife in State A and you, correctly, file for divorce in State B but she chooses not too participate, then your judge may not be able to award the home in State A to either of you. Rather, you would have to file a subsequent lawsuit, post-divorce, to divide the home in State A.


Even if real estate is not in-issue, you should consider filing in the State where your assets are located. You can keep better watch over them (things tend to “go missing” during a divorce) and can have a better, personal feel for the market if you and your wife dispute appraisals.


Do we have any special considerations in our case?

Finally, feel out how the states you are considering handle any special aspects of your case. If you anticipate defending against an alimony claim, select the state with the shortest alimony lengths, whether by statute or case law. If you are making one, choose the state with broader standards and no caps. If you own an asset from prior to your marriage that you want to protect, then opt for the state with the stricter standards for invading separate property. If you have military disability benefits and prefer not to share them, then choose the state that cannot divide them. If you want to maximize the duration of child support, then select the state with the longer period of coverage (such as to college) than one that terminates child support at age 18 or graduation from high school. And so forth.



If you are faced with multiple states in which you could file, sit down with a family law attorney to discuss the pros and cons in each state, both financial and legal. You may very well find that the playing field, for any of these reasons, is better on the other side.